Spring has sprung!!

Today has to of been the very first day of spring, we have had snowdrops even daff's up and out for quite sometime but today everything is alive, the birds are singing, the clouds have disappeared and the sun is out,  I made the most of it by going out to the River Cottage Canteen for something utterly yummy to eat and admiring the view's. We've had a mini clear out of the closet and I have had a clear out of the mind! Its the new normal for me, it's taken a year but I'm finally in a place that feels someway near to normal.

Had my first herceptin at home treatment by IV yesterday which went really well and takes the pressure off of us going up to the hospital all the time, the nurse was lovely and didn't hurt me when putting the needle in she was with us for about 2 hours but I still rather have a home visit than travel all the way to the hospital, she had a mountain of paperwork to do which was ridiculous but informed me that if I was away when due for my herceptin I could arrange for the treatment to administered to me wherever I am including visiting family and friends, what a fantastic service another thing to celebrate is for the first time in a year I have a clear diary with no appointments YAY!

Watching the sun going down now and basking in all the vitamin D.
Love and light xxxx

Weird Coincidence and Vitamins

Today I went out to my favorite charity shop and walked into their book room where I chanced upon a book entitled 'Food as Medicine' picked the book up and opened it up and there straight away first page I looked at was yep you guessed it on breast cancer (spooky coincidence) in particular the vitamin D connection, obviously I bought the book and am finding it extremely insightful explaining quite a few things I had previously heard of but misinterpreted.

According to research a number of breast cancer sufferers were tested and found to have unusually low levels of vitamin D, we get this vitamin from the sun BUT when we put high factor sun protection on as well as blocking the harmful rays we also block out the essential vitamin D, it makes sense to me that my own levels of vitamin D would be low because I practically hibernate during the winter months not only is it very cold where I live but also quite dark due to living in a rural location that is surrounded by woods and trees. I have been taking this vitamin along with vitamin's E, and C for the past 3 - 4 months and certainly feel ok, definitely the vitamin C is helping my immune system, I've recently had a cold and got over it in record time just under a week, which considering I am now immune compromised due to the chemo I was very pleased about and put it down to taking the vitamin C. I will continue to take all 3 vitamins until the summer and then instead of taking vitamin D I will go out and top up on some natural vitamin D in the sun.

The Secret.....ummmm

Here's a pet peeve of mine at the moment, having just read another breast cancer survivors blog post I was reading the comments and quite a few people were talking about the book and film 'The Secret' people commented on her post which to be fair to her was pretty awful, she has secondary breast cancer and she is very young, the offending comments were telling her to stay positive, the secret teaches us that we are what we think ie: the old saying 'be careful what you wish for it might come true' that thoughts are almighty powerful and can give us cancer if we think long and hard about it!!!! Complete madness I am sure none of us suffering with this disease thought I know I'd like to get cancer!!! Yeah right like anybody would think such a thing, again I think people are trying to be helpful by offering 'the secret' as a possible solution and that we really must stay positive even when we are up against it. Well you can't get much more up against it than a cancer diagnoses, terrifying anxiety, fear, death and thoughts of dying are only natural given the circumstances and I'm certainly not gonna beat myself up about it. Another thing is what about the babies and children that get cancer, babies can't think themselves into cancer can they!! I don't think I even contemplated terminal illness when I was a child in fact I don't think children do think about death and dying, they are too busy learning and enjoying life. I have read the book and spent about 8 months thinking good positive thoughts (your supposed to be able to think yourself rich and successful ha) that was just before my diagnoses and look where it got me, don't get me wrong being positive is good for the mind and body but you don't always get what you want or need I think luck plays a major part in it, end of rant.

Plant Power Rules

The power of nature to triumph over adversity has yet again proved itself to me, I have always had an affinity with nature, instinctually I love all nature from animals to plants, it is ironic that chemotherapy is developed from plants or from trees like the very poisonous yew tree, or mistletoe. Just watched a documentary on the Himalayas (check it out on the iplayer or BBC 4) at the end of the documentary they discussed the importance of the native plants of that region mainly plants from the Peony and Rhododendron families that have long been used by the local people as healing aids, a scientist from the millennium seed bank at kew spoke of how these plants are being studied in the use of healing and curing of such diseases like Alzheimer's, Diabetes's and Cancer to make the plants the pharmaceutical's of the future, these plants are in danger of extinction due to climate change with global warming proving to be a real threat, thankfully kew are collecting and storing seeds all the time to help avoid extinctions of this kind. I believe the key to finding a cure for cancer is in nature and plants and that we are tantalizingly on the cusp of finding the cure, until that time drinking green juice and smoothies will help in some way to prolong life for those of us afflicted with this terrible disease, I hope and pray it is long enough to find the cure for this blight of society.

The documentary was so beautiful and thought provoking, I think it must of been one of those 'thin places' (I mentioned in previous post) as I could not contain the tears, intuitively I know this is a very special spiritual place.

Feeling cold, caught a cold

Yes I've managed to catch my first bug since dx the common cold, been shivering and sneezing for britain for the last 3 days since sunday also had to go and have Herceptin IV today at the hospital this always makes me feel stuffy and nasal so really did not help :0( ho hum suppose it could be worse!!! Starting to feel a bit better this evening and hoping this is just a cold and not something more sinister (fingers and toes crossed).

On a lighter note I entered a major open art competition with one of my abstract paintings called 'The Blue Healing' it was painted last summer as a direct response to my dx of Breast cancer and treatment on chemo I do meditate looking at the painting and feel it does help me to focus on healing and recovery, so here it is hope it helps someone out there in cyberworld.

Love and light to all Sarah xx

Sore Skin, Egyptian Mummy

Finished the rads last wednesday YAY, skin feeling sore and tight not so yay :0(  also had another 2 day migrane/nausea going to see my onc on Monday the 6th Feb so will discuss this with him as well as the severe hot flushes/night sweats causing me to wake-up, the neuropathy (nerve damage) in both feet and hands, the incessant dry coughing, and the back/shoulder pains. Busy making a list to take in with me as I do forget things, now that the chemo has fogged my brain. Totally wiped out! Feel constantly tired and fatigued. So just waiting now for the next CT scan to see if all this treatment has worked, praying that everything is still 'tiny and stable' just like before xmas or better yet NED (no evidence of disease).

I feel like I'm living on the edge of my nerves most of the time emotionally fraught, its not the cancer its the thought and the knowledge that it will eventually kill me, the best analogie is its like watching a 10 ton truck hurtling towards you and not being physically able to get out of the way, people say things like "you could get run over by a bus" "none of us know when our time is up" at least if I was going to be hit by a bus I would be killed instantly and not have the agonizing knowledge of my impeding death, these statements even though they are well meaning actually are a huge cop out of facing whats actually wrong with me, lets face it they would not be saying any of those things if I did not have cancer, I suppose people try to go around the issue of cancer by using those excuses, it's like when someone say's one of those one liners to me its a way of shuting me up, and not facing whats wrong with me probably because I don't look ill they just cannot correlate that I am terminally ill.

Then theirs the people that just avoid me cause they either cannot cope with it or just don't know what else to say again these people mean well to a certain extent but why does it make me feel like I've done this on purpose just to make everyone feel uncomfortable or upset of course I know I have not done this intentionally no one knows why anyone gets cancer or as my oncologist put it "if we knew what caused cancer we would have a cure" its the scourge of society and has been for a very very long time. I read recently that an egyptian mummy was put through a CT scanner and they found tumors on the prostate/pelvis and spine of the unfortunate individual indicating that they had died of cancer interesting read heres the link http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2093675/2-200-year-old-Egyptian-mummy-prostate-cancer.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
end of today's annoyance and back to the beautiful wintery sunny day outside.
Love to all
XXX