Thursday 31 May 2012

Awesome life changing book

I was recommended by my spiritual healer to read the book Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegel http://berniesiegelmd.com/ so far its brilliant totally inspiring and makes you think about things in a whole new light, even if you don't have cancer I would recommend you read it, this books changes lives and brings everything into perspective.
Love and light xx

Wednesday 30 May 2012

What a wonderful world......

So after a terrific friday spent on Dartmoor, followed by the Saturday where we have a party in the garden (I rent a flat and we share a communal garden) and what a party it was, I drank pomegranate and elderflower cordial and ate vegetarian food and we all sang and I mean really went for it sang our hearts out, my neighbours father is amazing at playing the guitar and could play virtually anything we could think of, stayed up till 2am (this is late for me nowadays), they say singing lifts your soul and I was teleported back to when I was a child and used to rock on a chair to 'The Beatles', I knew all the words at the age of 4 to the whole 'Abbey Road' Album, I always thought I'd be a singer and or a dancer, what a night and what memories, this is the stuff that life should be all about.


Monday was spent on a gorgeous beach where no one seems to go, except for myself, my brother Andy and partner Lee, we had the beach all to ourselves and it was blissful, weather was like being on a tropical island, the beach was super clean and the walk down to the beach was amazing full of wild flowers and butterflies. 


I took loads of photo's and feel inspired to get creative, so here's some pics to inspire anyone else that might be reading this, I hope you enjoy them as much as I loved taking them.








I hope these photo's help to inspire anyone reading this to get out there and explore this beautiful landscape, get creative, get walking, but most of all get out there. xx

Saturday 26 May 2012

A day on the river..

Went up on to Dartmoor for a much needed break with my brother and partner, its the little things that make all the difference, paddling in the cool fresh river in the wonderful sunshine, little fish nibbling on my toes, a frog makes an appearance, a green woodpecker gives off a laughing call, flowers are everywhere, the intoxicating scent of summer is all around us, these are the things that make life worth living and bring a whole new meaning to existence. The joy of just breathing and living in that exquisite moment, I am also reminded how fragile we are but the paradox is we are ultimately super strong. Let the sun shine, live life like you mean it.
xxx

Tuesday 22 May 2012

Little Ray of Sunshine...

So I've finally picked myself up after reeling from the shock of finding out about Ellie (see post below) the news that she had passed away really shocked and unsettled me and its taken me a few days to come to terms with it, I never knew her personally just followed her story and its unfortunate outcome, I suppose its inevitable at some point and all of us are heading in the same destination just didn't think it would happen to someone so young and that includes myself.

Since being dx I have seen 5 new friends die of this dam disease and each time it knocks me for six, and takes a few days too get myself back in a positive state of mind ready to battle onwards, trying desperately hard to get my mind off of what has just happened to Ellie and what may or may not happen to me at some point, there's no point in trying to second guess this but its hard not too think about it, for now I need to try and put this behind me and forge ahead, it's the fear that grips me each and every time, so wish I could be stronger and face this with the courage required.

Yesterday was spent walking on the beach, paddling in the shallows and drawing with a stick on the wet sand, the sun shining down on me, soaking up every ray and praying for what all cancer patient's want more time.

In the afternoon went to meet up with the newly formed spiritual group consisting of myself and 3 other ladies from my village, we practice something called psychometry where we swap pieces of jewellery then write down any thoughts or visions to provide a kind of reading, according to the other ladies in the group my readings so far have been spot on, certainly found the reading that was done for me to be very encouraging I was told that the Peony flower was being offered to me by spirit here's a meaning for it:

peony

Peony

THE MEANING & SYMBOLISM OF
PEONY

With a recorded history that dates back thousands of years, it’s not surprising that even the mythology surrounding the origin of the peony has multiple versions. One legend has it that the peony is named after Paeon, a physician to the gods, who received the flower on Mount Olympus from the mother of Apollo. And another tells the story of that same physician who was “saved” from the fate of dying as other mortals by being turned into the flower we know today as the peony.
The traditional floral symbol of China, the state flower of Indiana, and the 12th wedding anniversary flower, peonies are known as the flower of riches and honor. With their lush, full, rounded bloom, peonies embody romance and prosperity and are regarded as an omen of good fortune and a happy marriage.
 I particularly like the bit about being saved from the fate of dying.

Tomorrow I go for spiritual healing this always makes me feel more connected to my environment and to the universe in general, it takes me on a journey of discovery and makes me happy and content.

Sunday 20 May 2012

Another light in heaven..

It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I write this post, I did not know her but Ellie Jeffery was someone I could relate too, she also had secondary breast cancer and was so very young under 30, she fought long and hard against this devastating disease and lost the battle a couple of days ago (I've only just realised), I have been following her blog entries ever since I was dx and was worried as she had not posted for a while, her BC had spread to various organs and her cancer was triple negative meaning tamoxifen/herceptin would not help her the only thing they could give her was chemo.

My heart goes out to her family and her beloved Tom whom she was due to marry in 2 weeks time, I just cannot contain my anger, frustration and utter bewilderment, why is life so cruel? I am at a loss for words.

Ellie lives on in the rising sun and the stars at night everytime I look up to the big old moon I will think of her, god bless, RIP night night Ellie.
xx

Sunday 6 May 2012

Unexpected....good...bad....

So getting cancer was totally unexpected, getting secondary breast cancer was also off the radar, getting a near brand new imac just when my other mac power book laptop died on me was completely unexpected and got me thinking outside of the box, looking at the bigger picture, I'm sure someone was listening to me when my mac went bonkers on the same day my partner had a look through the gumtree ads and found a near brand new hardly used all singing all dancing new imac with up to date running software Snow Leopard (this had been a real problem as I had struggled with Tiger for ages) using the old running software meant that blogger no longer worked this proved to be the final straw and I was desperate, I really really really needed a new computer especially a mac (thats what I've been working on now for the past 10 years) was this all just a coincidence or was it divine intervention, was the cosmos conspiring to bring about a new computer for me? I'm rather drawn to that thought and feel that their is some hope and obviously I am meant to continue working on design rather than giving it all up which was where I was at when my computer went down, you could say God has listened to me and provided me with what I need, maybe he has more plans for me and I'm not ready for the final curtain, certainly is heart warming.

The breast cancer care site has been revamped and is not working very well at the moment I know that the people at BCC are working hard to try and improve the site but I really am missing posting on the forum and in the rehash my written profile, my avatar, and all my old saved messages/posts have all gone, I feel a bit like I've had the rug pulled from underneath me, I find the forum so comforting, all the ladies on there understand what I am going through we are all going through the same thing and not being able to speak with them is making me anxious and upset.

My next CT scan is on the 26th May, whilst I am glad it is happening and that I have an appointment time, I am starting to get scanxiety, truly terrifying in every possible way it really does not get any easier you just get used to the nightmare situation and you have to deal with it or choose to live in denial, I am facing my fears and although I try really hard not to think about my situation it comes up over and over again in my mind at least every hour if not then certainly everyday.