Sorry its been a while since I posted but I have been for one of my scans and appointments, cutting to the chase my appointment with breast surgeon, he was offering me a reconstruction but I wanted to ask some questions here are my questions and his answers (you never know this might help you if you are in a similar position).
1. "If I have a reconstruction will it trigger anymore tumours?" ( I figured that messing with the mastectomy site might not be a good idea and that it could have the extremely detrimental effect of causing the cancer to return) Dr. D's reply " I can't say yes or no to that but in my extensive experience of breast surgery and the fact that this is what I do all day every day and its what I would like to perform for any breast cancer patient I would advise you that there is a possibility that opening you up and giving you a recon could cause the cancer to return!"
2. "If I do have a recon with an implant would the implant obscure the view for any further scans I might have to have in the future" Dr. D's reply "yes, it could obscure and hide the back of the chest wall to CT and other scans".
Dr D. then went on to say "These questions are well thought out valid questions, and as you have not come in here demanding a recon, I would advise you not to go ahead with these operations and feel this would be in your best interests".
So as you can gather I wont be having a reconstruction based on the answers he gave me and my own intuition on the subject, also as I have secondaries on my lungs I might need further emergency operations in the future (heaven forbid this happens to me but lets get real), my poor little body has been through enough, so I am going to save up my surgery options incase it is needed in the future.
On another matter he did mention that he'd taken a quick look at my bone scans and told me all looked well on that front, although I wont get my official results back until my oncologist appointment in December after my CT scan which is next week. So I am back in the waiting room which is never a nice place to be in but ignorance is bliss they say so I am enjoying a brief respite from worry and stress.
Love and light to you all. xxx
Sunday 28 October 2012
Sunday 21 October 2012
The truth hurts....BUT its ok.....
Taken from a post on facebook, this resonates on so many levels.
Self-care: YOUR BEAUTIFUL SHADOW. This may seem heretical, but sometimes the "positive thinkers" kind of piss me off. There's something about telling someone with serious disease, illness, or life challenge, to "just think positive" that ignores the very rich, beautiful reality of the human truth, that sometimes life is messy, that sometimes we are messy, and — importantly — that there are some things beyond our control, that there are Unknowable processes that are beyond our cognizance (i.e., we cannot "control" disease).
Certainly this is no advocacy of wallowing, spite, self-blame, pity. The Truth in the positive-thought/new-thought spiritualities is that harbouring and feeding the harder emotions does dampen our vitality, if at very least by the stress-related hormonal and neurotransmitter cascades thus opened and the muscular tensions thus released: our bodies and brains are restricted and, thereby, our experience of peace.
But there's something to discover in being courageous enough to permit the so-called negative emotions: PERMITTING THEM DOES NOT MEAN FOSTERING. We instead allow them to arise and then pass (psychophysiologists have reportedly documented that any emotion, no matter how extreme, actually lasts at most 30 to 60 seconds).
Be brave enough to let the physical experience of the emotion move through you, and AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, be mature and self-loving enough to feel that 30-second experience WITHOUT hurling it (i.e., "dumping sh*t) on other people (for we know we hurt ourselves when we hurt others).
BUT DEAR ONES, GET REAL: WE ARE DEALING WITH CANCER. Of course sometimes you are going to be discouraged, angry and distrustful — with G-d, with well-intentioned people who say ignorant things, with even our bodies themselves at moments when we are wracked with pain.
•None of these emotions/thoughts detracts for one second from your beauty.• I would wish you to know this deeply. Root just enough in Your Grace that you can let the whole of life move through you. And yes, set an Intention on healing, on the uplifting emotions (in end, it's about what you are worth and the life that wants to move and express itself through you).
This is no less a heroine's mission (and yes, I mean "of the feminine", therefore expressly use the word "heroine") — to hold the mess and maelstrom of the human experience while yet connecting to the glorious still-point of something Divine.
You have it in you. Let it be and let it serve you today. Sending so very much love.
(Ellyn Kerr for You Can Thrive!)
Self-care: YOUR BEAUTIFUL SHADOW. This may seem heretical, but sometimes the "positive thinkers" kind of piss me off. There's something about telling someone with serious disease, illness, or life challenge, to "just think positive" that ignores the very rich, beautiful reality of the human truth, that sometimes life is messy, that sometimes we are messy, and — importantly — that there are some things beyond our control, that there are Unknowable processes that are beyond our cognizance (i.e., we cannot "control" disease).
Certainly this is no advocacy of wallowing, spite, self-blame, pity. The Truth in the positive-thought/new-thought spiritualities is that harbouring and feeding the harder emotions does dampen our vitality, if at very least by the stress-related hormonal and neurotransmitter cascades thus opened and the muscular tensions thus released: our bodies and brains are restricted and, thereby, our experience of peace.
But there's something to discover in being courageous enough to permit the so-called negative emotions: PERMITTING THEM DOES NOT MEAN FOSTERING. We instead allow them to arise and then pass (psychophysiologists have reportedly documented that any emotion, no matter how extreme, actually lasts at most 30 to 60 seconds).
Be brave enough to let the physical experience of the emotion move through you, and AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, be mature and self-loving enough to feel that 30-second experience WITHOUT hurling it (i.e., "dumping sh*t) on other people (for we know we hurt ourselves when we hurt others).
BUT DEAR ONES, GET REAL: WE ARE DEALING WITH CANCER. Of course sometimes you are going to be discouraged, angry and distrustful — with G-d, with well-intentioned people who say ignorant things, with even our bodies themselves at moments when we are wracked with pain.
•None of these emotions/thoughts detracts for one second from your beauty.• I would wish you to know this deeply. Root just enough in Your Grace that you can let the whole of life move through you. And yes, set an Intention on healing, on the uplifting emotions (in end, it's about what you are worth and the life that wants to move and express itself through you).
This is no less a heroine's mission (and yes, I mean "of the feminine", therefore expressly use the word "heroine") — to hold the mess and maelstrom of the human experience while yet connecting to the glorious still-point of something Divine.
You have it in you. Let it be and let it serve you today. Sending so very much love.
(Ellyn Kerr for You Can Thrive!)
Thursday 18 October 2012
Breast Cancer is set to increase exponentially.....
I'm not just imagining it then! It really is happening the beast is attacking more and more women, here's a link to a very interesting article on the subject.
Guardian.co.uk - If breast cancer is on the rise, we must find a way to pay for it
Guardian.co.uk - If breast cancer is on the rise, we must find a way to pay for it
Tuesday 16 October 2012
A fragile existence.....
Since I last posted I have been for my 3 monthly appointment with my oncologist, and as a result I am to have a bone scan and a CT scan, the bone scan is scheduled for next monday and will take up most of the afternoon, the last one was back at the beginning of my dx, so I have been feeling fairly anxious about it. The main reason for the bone scan is because I have been experiencing a weird pain on my rib cage underneath my good left side breast, this has been worrying me and I have tried to ignore it and then realised that ignoring things is what got me into this mess in the first place. As soon as you think things are returning to normal up it pops, so I expect to be a little fragile for the next few weeks or at least until I have the results, of course I will keep posting and keep my blog up to date, but please excuse me for not feeling on top of the world.
Saturday 6 October 2012
Reiki the KLF and a blinding sunset!
To bring you all up to date I have been away for a few days visiting my parents and friends so have been neglecting my blog but I'm back and have a fair bit to write about.
Firstly, the dreaded appointment with the fabulous Dr D. (my breast surgeon), waited for what seemed like an eternity and in a very packed waiting room, when I did get to go in I had a very quick examination to which he seemed pleased, then off to have a mamo (this I was not expecting) but all went ok and it didn't hurt as much as the first one I had done, also the mamo nurse was very nice and chatted away to me showing me my previous mamo (the one that showed the cancerous lump) this was the first time I had seen the image and was a little anxious on seeing it but then after chatting realised that I have nothing to be anxious about the lump and breast has gone, and there is no cancer anywhere else, my good breast mamo showed nothing sinister but I have too wait for the official results in a couple of weeks time, but I'm not particularly worried and feel it will be ok. Whilst chatting to the nurse she mentioned that Dr D. was exceptionally busy at the moment and had too see 36 women that day!!!! 36 women!!! thats quite shocking, what the hell is going on? I am at a loss for words, I believe that something is terribly wrong that just seems like such a lot of women affected by this awful disease. Due to his work load Dr D. mentioned that he wants me to book an appointment when he's not so busy so that we can discuss the possibility of reconstruction surgery I will keep you posted on that one.
Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I am a spiritual being and have tried a number of complementary treatments including spiritual healing, so my main purpose for visiting my parents was to also go and receive Reiki treatment from a wonderful lady by the name of Jan here's a link to her website http://www.jmreiki.co.uk/ where it explains in detail what Reiki is all about. My session was very similar to the other spiritual healers I have visited except Jan was also able to give me information on the spirits that are either guides or are around me with messages of hope and advice. I have a spirit Dr around me who wears a monocle eye piece, she was not sure whether he was a deceased relative or whether he had attached himself to me, personally I feel he is attached to me via our flat which is a very old listed building and used to be part of a huge estate (similar to that of Downton Abbey). He has been administering 'old medicine' to me and has taken me on as a patient, I am very very glad he is around me and feel honoured and lucky to be receiving his help. Whilst giving me healing Jan told me that I had 'spiritual surgery' during our session in which the surgeon removed some more of my lymph nodes, again this does not frighten or upset me in fact to the contrary I am ever so grateful that they have performed this operation on me especially as they believed it would help. She also indicated that in a past life I was a herbalist/healer which explains why I am so drawn to the old country medicines and remedies, she also told me that it was not my time to go yet and that I had a lot more work to do on the planet. This news has given me such a boost.
I spent the day with my mum and dad and the following day visiting a very close friend all of which has helped pull me out of the misery and depression I was feeling in my last post, I am glad to report I am back to my old self and feel a burst of creative energy fizzling up inside me and I'm looking forward to getting things going on the project front. My brilliant friend gave me a load of music CD's one of which was by the KLF its taken me back to my youth and given me a warm fuzzy feeling of comfort inside, thanks and love to P.
Here's a list of all the things I want to try and achieve over the coming winter months:
1. Start writing a book based on this blog and Breast Cancer
2. Get on with some needle felting/sculpting
3. Paint and enter an open art competition (thats coming up this month)
4. Finish my collection of Gypsy designs
5. Re-decorate the lounge
Driving home tonight we stopped in at Glastonbury and filled up our water bottles with the mineral rich healing waters of the Chalice Well, the sunset by the Tor was absolutely breath taking.
Love and light xxxx
Firstly, the dreaded appointment with the fabulous Dr D. (my breast surgeon), waited for what seemed like an eternity and in a very packed waiting room, when I did get to go in I had a very quick examination to which he seemed pleased, then off to have a mamo (this I was not expecting) but all went ok and it didn't hurt as much as the first one I had done, also the mamo nurse was very nice and chatted away to me showing me my previous mamo (the one that showed the cancerous lump) this was the first time I had seen the image and was a little anxious on seeing it but then after chatting realised that I have nothing to be anxious about the lump and breast has gone, and there is no cancer anywhere else, my good breast mamo showed nothing sinister but I have too wait for the official results in a couple of weeks time, but I'm not particularly worried and feel it will be ok. Whilst chatting to the nurse she mentioned that Dr D. was exceptionally busy at the moment and had too see 36 women that day!!!! 36 women!!! thats quite shocking, what the hell is going on? I am at a loss for words, I believe that something is terribly wrong that just seems like such a lot of women affected by this awful disease. Due to his work load Dr D. mentioned that he wants me to book an appointment when he's not so busy so that we can discuss the possibility of reconstruction surgery I will keep you posted on that one.
Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I am a spiritual being and have tried a number of complementary treatments including spiritual healing, so my main purpose for visiting my parents was to also go and receive Reiki treatment from a wonderful lady by the name of Jan here's a link to her website http://www.jmreiki.co.uk/ where it explains in detail what Reiki is all about. My session was very similar to the other spiritual healers I have visited except Jan was also able to give me information on the spirits that are either guides or are around me with messages of hope and advice. I have a spirit Dr around me who wears a monocle eye piece, she was not sure whether he was a deceased relative or whether he had attached himself to me, personally I feel he is attached to me via our flat which is a very old listed building and used to be part of a huge estate (similar to that of Downton Abbey). He has been administering 'old medicine' to me and has taken me on as a patient, I am very very glad he is around me and feel honoured and lucky to be receiving his help. Whilst giving me healing Jan told me that I had 'spiritual surgery' during our session in which the surgeon removed some more of my lymph nodes, again this does not frighten or upset me in fact to the contrary I am ever so grateful that they have performed this operation on me especially as they believed it would help. She also indicated that in a past life I was a herbalist/healer which explains why I am so drawn to the old country medicines and remedies, she also told me that it was not my time to go yet and that I had a lot more work to do on the planet. This news has given me such a boost.
I spent the day with my mum and dad and the following day visiting a very close friend all of which has helped pull me out of the misery and depression I was feeling in my last post, I am glad to report I am back to my old self and feel a burst of creative energy fizzling up inside me and I'm looking forward to getting things going on the project front. My brilliant friend gave me a load of music CD's one of which was by the KLF its taken me back to my youth and given me a warm fuzzy feeling of comfort inside, thanks and love to P.
Here's a list of all the things I want to try and achieve over the coming winter months:
1. Start writing a book based on this blog and Breast Cancer
2. Get on with some needle felting/sculpting
3. Paint and enter an open art competition (thats coming up this month)
4. Finish my collection of Gypsy designs
5. Re-decorate the lounge
Driving home tonight we stopped in at Glastonbury and filled up our water bottles with the mineral rich healing waters of the Chalice Well, the sunset by the Tor was absolutely breath taking.
Love and light xxxx
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