Wednesday 27 March 2013

To bring much needed awareness.....

Hi all,
Today's post is a share of a newspaper article by the brave young woman Kris Hallenga of the breast cancer charity Coppafeel http://www.coppafeel.org/. Here's the link http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/i-never-ask-my-doctor-how-long-ive-got-23yearold-kristin-hallengas-health-crusade-to-warn-women-about-risks-of-breast-cancer-8548853.html. I believe in the same ethos as Kris and would do anything to bring about awareness of breast cancer especially in younger women who are falsely told that breast cancer is an old woman's disease. I was dx having just turned 42 and whilst I am older than Kris (she was only 23 when dx) I still class myself as a younger woman and certainly didn't anticipate or contemplate in any shape or form developing breast cancer it was the furthest thing from my mind.

Tuesday 26 March 2013

Words of wonder to warm the heart.....

Going through my old box of memories I found a couple of sheets of paper with the wise and wonderful words of  Brian L. Weiss I think I photocopied them over 10 years ago from his book 'Only Love Is Real' re-reading them has made me sit up and ponder, they resonate with me on every level. Here's a link to his website and books http://www.brianweiss.com/about-the-books/ if your interested.

A reflection on life through the drinking of tea by eminent Vietnamese Buddist monk and philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh :
"You must be completely awake in the present to enjoy tea. Only in the awareness of the present can your hands feel the pleasant warmth of the cup. Only in the present can you savour the aroma, taste the sweetness, appreciate the delicacy. If you are ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, you will completely miss the experience of enjoying the cup of tea. You will look down at the cup, and the tea will be gone.

Life is like that. If you are not fully in the present, you will look around and it will be gone. You will have missed the feel, the aroma, the delicacy and beauty of life. It will seem to be speeding past you. 
The past is finished. Learn from it and let it go, the future is not even here yet. Plan for it, but do not waste your time worrying about it. Worrying is worthless. When you stop ruminating about what has already happened, when you stop worrying about what might never happen, then you will be in the present moment. Then you will begin to experience joy in life."

Extract taken from "Only Love Is Real" by Brian L. Weiss.

I hope all the powers that be rot in hell......

The government it would seem likes to kick cancer patients again. WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THIS? makes my blood boil so in the future if I need these drugs they wont be available to me so I die, yet at the same time they won't allow someone who is slowly dying of the worst disease Motor Neurones to die with dignity at home they have too travel over too switzerland to a special clinic where they can be put too sleep. (my best friends mum has been very slowly and painfully dying of this disease over the past 15 years! she was told she would only live 2 years over 13 years ago, she cannot walk, talk, feed herself, go to the toilet she needs a nurse for all of these things and its currently costing around £5,000 per month to keep her going even though she doesn't want to be here anymore, she expressed by the only means she is capable of scribbling and writing with one hand that she does not want a peg when she can no longer use her mouth to eat a peg is where they drip feed you to keep you alive for fuck sake!!)  please read http://www.express.co.uk/news/health/386541/I-would-be-dead-now-if-not-for-new-cancer-drugs

Friday 22 March 2013

The Dr of Hope...

Here's a link to a uplifting story about a Dr who treats his patients above and beyond the call of duty.
 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2296652/Cancer-survivor-nominates-warrior-like-doctor-Daily-Mail-Health-Hero--yours.html
We all need a Dr like this. xx

Mad as hell....

Just read about NICE (National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence) which has decided in its wisdom to reject the new drug Everolimus for HER2 negative, hormone receptor positive advanced breast cancer, Why? you may ask yourself because its expensive, again its not about trying to find a cure or at the very least an extension of life for those affected as per usual its all down to money.  Not so fucking NICE I say. I am HER2+ and receive herceptin which not so long ago was only given to those as a sort of post code lottery, now everyone gets it, so ladies who would fit the right criteria for receiving Everolimus don't despair if we all stand together and make a loud noise WE CAN CHANGE  THIS. Here's the link to more info http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/9943242/Breakthrough-breast-cancer-drug-too-expensive.html?fb and http://www.breakthrough.org.uk/media_centre/news_views/nice_reject_drug_1.html

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure women who need this drug receive it.

Thursday 21 March 2013

Devastated at the loss....

It is with a heavy heart that my post today is on the passing of two women who had been fighting so hard against this bloody awful disease. The first person was Lisa Lynch of http://alrighttit.blogspot.co.uk/2013_03_01_archive.html blog and the excellent book 'The C-Word' Lisa was so incredibly young dx at only 28 years old her blog and book helped me through my own initial shock and subsequent acceptance of the fact that I am now living with cancer. I didn't know Lisa personally but due to her brilliant witty writing style felt that I knew her as a close friend. The second lady was known on the forums as Alesta aka Laurie, again such amazing strength and the courage of a lion she was a true inspiration to all of us on the facebook chat group and on the BCC forum, Laurie told me about the BCC forum she sent me personal messages full of humour, advise and wisdom, she made me feel that I wasn't alone in dealing with all this cancer shit, I loved the fact that she swore her head off, and voiced her opinions, she was true to herself and in being so genuine helped others. Both of these women leave behind family and friends, both were too young. Its rained all day down here and the roads are starting too flood which is how I feel, I have cried a river over these deaths and others since I was dx it never gets any easier. RIP love and light xxx

Today I went for a MRI on my head too make sure that the searing migraines are not something more sinister, spent an hour in there listening to some bloody terrible loud banging noise as the machine scans my head, then another injection of something or other in my hand, poor hand, then more loud noise. Followed by some retail therapy in Primarni and a cuppa coffee with my best friend and then onto the lymphedema clinic for some MLD (manual lymphatic drainage). Feel exhausted and tired so early to bed or I might just camp out on the sofa and try to regain some kind of normal composure. xxx

Thursday 14 March 2013

Curcumin/turmeric is the spice of life.....

"No cancer has been found that is NOT affected by curcumin" (MD Anderson Cancer Center, Texas)

That is a hell of a statement and one not too be ignored. I already take Turmeric supplements daily (I buy a good make by http://www.bio-health.co.uk/turmeric_rhizome.html) and had heard about this wonder spice here's a link to read a more in depth explanation from the fabulous Chris Woollams website Canceractive http://www.canceractive.com/cancer-active-page-link.aspx?n=1571. If you don't want to take supplements then cook a curry or simply add it too your food. If you have had or are living with cancer please read this link it could save your life. 

Wednesday 13 March 2013

In memory of Ellie

Wanted to share a couple of links to a new charity in memory of the wonderful Ellie Jeffery who died of advanced breast cancer at the tender age of 29 last year.
http://www.eleanorrose.org/ and if you want to follow on facebook https://www.facebook.com/EleanorRoseFoundation

Tuesday 12 March 2013

Two years today...

Its a cancer anniversary, exactly 2 years ago today I found out I had breast cancer 2 weeks later I found out it had spread on to both of my lungs, I'm still receiving treatments including tamoxifen by tablet daily, herceptin by IV every 3 weeks so far its all working and keeping me in a stable condition, I continue to be eternally grateful for any extra time I have on this planet, for my family and friends who love and care for me and to the beautiful cats that I share my life with. Life is good, getting steadily busier and gradually healthier by use of juicing and diet although I hate hate hate the new weightier me this is one thing I could do without. Can't quite believe it was 2 years ago that I went in to my local breast care clinic at the hospital, sat in the waiting room with my partner and brother we sat and joked about the crappy stories in the magazines, and then my name was called and I walked into all hell on earth, "its not looking very good sarah" the surgeon said in fact its very nasty and quite aggressive, dazed and confused I left the room to meet up with my jovial brother and partner who were still making each other laugh, I couldn't wait to get out of that waiting room, we'd been in their all day started off with an examination, then a mammogram, then an ultrasound and biopsy they had well and truly messed with my body and I wanted out of that hell whole. During the biopsy I said to the Dr " that doesn't look like a cyst" to which she replied " no I'm afraid its no cyst". When we did leave everyone was oh its probably just a cyst little did they know that I already knew it was more serious than a cyst.

The past 2 years have been the most painful, tearful, shocking, speedy, emotional, courageous, spiritual and happy of my life, I have lived, breathed, and virtually written a book on the subject of breast cancer those two words never entered my head until this time 2 years ago. Anyone reading this for the first time who may be worried or just been dx with the same shit can I hope glean some hope, support and understanding from this blog. I've been writing it to try too make sense of the mountains of conflicting information out there on the subject and hope if you are stuck in the same shitty position that you can at least get some quick answers to your questions.

Remember, I'm still here breathing and living, you can be too if you follow your heart, change your life, by whatever means possible and always for the better and look both inwardly and outwardly delving into the bigger picture.

"Just keep on swimming" from the film Nemo

New Drug for HER2+ Breast Cancers

I stumbled across a post on the Breast Cancer Care forum regarding a new drug called Kadcyla is a new generation of Herceptin used to treat Her2 cancers that have progressed after treatment with Herceptin and Tykerb (Lapatanib). I believe it combines three drugs (1) Herceptin (2) a chemo (3) a chemically modified agent that delivers these two directly into the cancer cell (so no chemo SE's. Have provided a link to article about it for anyone who is interested. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/256790.php

Friday 8 March 2013

Signs and symbols bring some comfort.....

Want to know if you have been visited by an Angel or a passed loved one?
If so it might be time to take a closer look at the signs around you.

Angels and those we have lost, particularly ones we have loved dearly, will often leave signs to reassure, comfort and guide those they've visited. Whether it's to remind us of their presence, help us through a difficult time or merely to let us know they're there if we need them, these beings will always find a way of alerting us to their presence – often in very unusual and unexpected ways. 

If you'd like to find out whether you've been visited by an angel or deceased loved one, why they've come to you and interpret any secret messages they might have left you, the following overview of some of the most common signs and their meanings should answer some of your questions.


White feathers Perhaps one of the most well-known signs you've been visited by an Angel, these magical blessings are something many of us keep an eye out for and treasure once we discover.
Often referred to as 'calling cards,' they're left as welcome reminders that Angels are there for us if we need them and continually watching over us each day.

Pennies Celestial beings will often leave coins for those they are watching over – in fact, it's thought that's where the expression 'pennies from heaven' originally came from!
Left to console and reassure those who find them – generally when they're feeling a little blue or under the weather – they're said to be tossed by angels to make smiles out of frowns.

Butterflies The beautiful insects are frequently sent to us by our lost loved ones, either to remind us they're always watching over us and nearby, or just to let us know they're OK.

Robins Also signifying a visit from a deceased family member of friends, these are always a welcome sight and will often visit the same gardens year after year, reassuring those who see them that their passed loved ones are still near.

Rainbows If you're thinking about Angels and a rainbow suddenly catches your attention, it's likely to be one of these celestial beings confirming their presence to you – even more spectacular when there's been no rain!
Scents Sometimes those we've lost will remind us of their presence by surrounding us with a particular fragrance or smell that makes us think of them, so take note of any familiar aromas that waft your way – you never know, they might just be a sign from a deceased loved one! Angels also like to make their appearances known through the power of smell and will often leave floral trails in the areas they have visited.

Dreams Angels and deceased loved ones will also often come to us in while we sleep as this tends to be the time we're most relaxed and receptive. Generally speaking, these will be more vivid than your regular ones and remain in your mind much fresher.

Sparkles of light Depending on their colour, these messages will usually be sent by the angel whose help you need most at the time – if you've been going through a hard time, for instance, and keep seeing green sparkles every where you go, it could be a sign from Archangel Raphael – the Angel synonymous with healing – letting you know he's there to help you.

Touch This is likely to be very subtle and either feel like a soft brush on your arm or neck, or a tingling sensation across your back.

A Voice Seemingly coming out of nowhere, this is one of the most obvious signs an Angel's come to visit you and will either literally tell you it's there for you out loud, or reassure you – perhaps when you are feeling frightened or uncertain – through a little whisper that everything is going to be OK.

Music and television Hearing a song or lyric on the radio using words that help, reassure or confirm something for you is never a coincidence, but the work of angels attempting to clarify or ease a situation for you. Similarly, if you happen to be flicking through channels and come across a show or documentary that relates to something that's been troubling you at the time, don't ignore it; it could be a message from the celestial realm giving you your answer!

Books and magazines The next time a meaningful piece of writing grabs your attention, whether it's a book suddenly falling from a shelf as you walk by, or words in a magazine that instantly catch your eye, take a moment to read what they say; you'll be amazed at how often they'll relate in some way to your current situation. Every time they do, you can be sure it's a message from an Angel.

Telephone calls If you suddenly receive a call from someone you really need support from at the exact moment you most need them, you can be sure an Angel's intervened somewhere along the way, either making them think of you at just the right time or giving them the clarity and wisdom to offer you the advice you need.

Buildings and advertising slogans This could be something simple as asking Archangel Michael for help and then noticing a building named St Michael's shortly after – a sure sign he has heard your call and is there if you need him. However, angels will also send their messages to you in a number of different ways so make sure you look out for any recurring slogans on billboards, shop names or roads that seem to strike a chord with you.

Angel shapes Never underestimate how clever angels can be; they are all around us and can physically appear – in the form of an outline or shape – in almost anything, from the clouds in the sky to the bubbles in your bath!

Whether it's to remind us of their presence, help us through a difficult time, or to let us know they're there, Angels will always find a way of alerting us to their presence.

The Be careful what you wish for shit......

I've just finished reading that wonderful book by Lorna Byrne (see last post) and ended reading it with mixed emotions, she really had a hard life not just materially but emotionally, the angels couldn't stop the horrible things happening in fact even worse they would warn her about an impeding disaster so she was ready for it wide eyes open. No thanks I'd rather not know whats about to happen to me especially if its very unpleasant. This was something I tussled with when I was dx, I was afraid of what was wrong with me, I didn't understand it and yes I was getting signals from spirit but unfortunately it was a little bit late by the time I realised I had something seriously wrong with me. The thing is you don't walk around thinking "I wonder if I've got cancer" it just creeps up on you and wallops you straight in the face, I never thought I would get cancer not for one solitary moment did that thought cross my mind, which reminds me anyone who say's be careful about what you think ie: that I thought about getting cancer and then got it, is completely off there fucking head, I didn't wish this terrible disease on myself put simply I was fucking unlucky!!!! People say flippin stupid things like "be careful what you wish for", ummm well I didn't wish for this shit I can tell you, I was busy getting on with my life keeping my head down and working hard planning for a baby then like a punch in the face I got bloody cancer and my whole world turned upside down, it feels like I've had the rug pulled from underneath me and at times I really don't know where to turn for comfort. The plan was to have a baby cancer's put an end to that, no baby as I've been thrown head long into an early menopause and the drugs I'm on will keep me that way for the foreseeable future and at the age of now 45 (then 42) its too late to have a baby so thats never going to happen, trouble is what to do? of course I'm lucky to be alive but what do I do with my time now? my original plans are fucked up and I'm having trouble getting into anything creative, I've no money to go travelling and I've no career, part of me feels like "what is the point!" the other part of me scolds myself for even thinking that way, god its a nightmare, wish it would stop and life could got back to normal, back to a life without cancer looming on the horizon.

I've spent today painting but its not inspiring or exciting me its not the celebration of life that it once used to be. All I can do is to ask my guardian angel to help me through this turmoil and show me the way forward. xxx Love and light to you all xxxx